‘Your parents finances aren’t my problem’: Woman is Shocked to Find Out Her Fiancé Wants His Parents to Move In After They Retire; She Rethinks the Wedding

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    r/AITAH 20 hr. ago ComicSans87 AITAH for not wanting my future in-laws to live with us someday?
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    My fiance and I are getting married later this year and come from very different financial upbringings. My parents are first generation who grew up poor but put themselves through college while working full time - learned to invest well, live frugally and made many sacrifices to provide a wonderful life for my sister and me. They didn't want us to have a
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    hard life like they did and paid for us both to go to private universities so we wouldn't have to worry about student debt, etc. They were strict in some ways (last to get cell phones, only ones in high school to not have a car, had dial up internet way longer than most families, zero home renovations where my parents, sister and me did the landscaping
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    and most home maintenance. They did splurge on one nice family vacation every year which are some of my fondest memories. I have a wonderful relationship with both of them and honestly wish they enjoyed their self made success a bit more!
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    My fiance's parents, on the other hand, have always worked blue collar jobs (which is fine) but haven't saved a dime. They're a lot younger than my parents and already talking retirement even though they have no savings. My fiance paid for college himself and has a good job - together we bring in about $350,000 - and he has helped his parents immensely
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    by paying some of their mortgage, medical bills, groceries when we visit. They never offer to pay him back but I've seen my fiance get stressed that when they do have a little money saved, they blow it on something stupid. They live in another state and barely leave their hometown so I never thought this issue would even be popping up, but
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    here we go... We're in the midst of planning our wedding and eventually getting a house within the next 2 years (we live in a HCOL area). Fiance briefly brought up how when we look for a house we need to find something that would accommodate his parents bc he thinks it would be best for
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    them to live with us once they retire. This was a total shock to me his parents aren't social, - don't cook/clean and I feel like they would just be sitting at home all day. I'm a private person and want to focus on newlywed life and building our own family and enjoying a nice life with my kids like my parents gave me. Fiance doesn't even want to do a
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    honeymoon (travel is important to me) because he wants to focus on saving as much as possible bc he feels responsible for his parents. I love my fiance so much and am excited to marry him, but I don't want to be burdened by his parents poor planning. Not to mention, my parents have offered to help us with a down payment so now I feel like my parents hard
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    earned money is going to be supporting two other adults who didn't plan right, and that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I don't want our new life to start off so stressful - we have good savings ourselves and i'm starting to feel resentful that he has to worry about trying to support two adults, when his energy/our
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    money can be going toward our own life/vacations, etc. I feel like our life together will be secondary and put on hold until they eventually pass. I'm trying to be sensitive toward my fiance bc he knows this isn't ideal, but he also doesn't want his parents to end up on the street. I feel bad saying this but I'm starting to dread wedding planning bc now
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    I'm scared to get married and have his parents problems be my problems.
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    Dry_Sandwich_860 • 20h ago If you marry him, his parents will live with you. I think you know that. He may agree to refuse to let them live with you. However, when they retire and have no housing because they have no money, they will have to live
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    with you because he will insist on it. He is not even willing to go on a honeymoon and is already putting all of his money aside for his parents. This is the reality that you need to deal with.
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    Tammara_Bonifay • 19h ago NTA, but I suggest you pump the brakes on wedding planning and address the elephant in the room his parents' future and how it impacts yours. It's noble to want to help family, but there's a difference between providing occasional
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    support and committing to be lifelong caretakers for financially irresponsible parents. Your fiancé needs to understand that marriage is about unity and compromise, not unilateral decisions, especially ones that significantly affect lifestyle, privacy, and finances.
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    You're not just marrying him; you're marrying into a situation where his parents expect to be taken care of indefinitely. That's not a small expectation. That's a lifestyle. This isn't just HIS problem; it becomes YOUR problem the moment you say 'I do.' Consider sitting down with him and laying
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    out what you envisioned. your life together to look like and see how — or if — - his parents fit into that vision without dominating it. If your dreams for your future are misaligned, it's far better to discover that now than after legal and financial ties make disentangling much more complex.
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    Remember, love is important, but it doesn't pay the bills, manage a household, or ensure happiness when weighed down by resentment. Enter this marriage with both eyes wide open or not at all.
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    . Trailsya 20h ago DON'T GET MARRIED DON'T Just DON'T

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